Mistake Making Machine

Although it goes by without saying that as humans we make many mistakes in our lifetime, I feel it is my duty to own up to the fact that I have most definitely made more than your average Joe. Many a nights, I have sat wondering why it is, that I am so prone to making these mistakes, and on such a regular basis. Is my brain lopsided, do I drink too much caffeine, or do I spend too much time vicariously living through Rory Gilmore? Although it is quite probable all these things contribute to my inability to process before acting, I truly believe the real issue lies within the old time saying, “Think before you act”.

Do a wall squat for half an hour; eat an omlette without tobasco, or better yet, plan a month without junk food while you travel through Europe, which so happens to be full of gelato and pizza. Exactly, shut the front door, none of these things are reasonable, which leads me to seriously question, how the heck do people actually think before they act. Where do you find the space in your day to process pre-buying that extra chocolate croissant, or pre-inviting that ‘friend’ over to watch a movie/get pregnant?

This year, I have taken it upon myself to work on my character, be a better person and eat fewer burgers. I truly believe that bettering oneself is vital for growth and ultimate happiness. I have found myself in rather a funk these past couple of years; stuck in a ‘moody teenager with very little patience’ attitude and I have had enough of yelling at my microwave while I wait for my bag of popcorn for dinner. Yet, making mistakes still seems to be a regular feature in the ‘Emma is an idiot’ column of the ‘Travelling Twit Times’.

I have been waiting, so desperately for that moment in life, where I suddenly mature and mistakes seem to sweep off my shoulder as I glide my way through life, with little care and lots of money. However, I instead find myself, looking in the mirror most mornings, justifying to myself why I had three shots of limoncello the night before and why, yet again, I haven’t shaved three weeks running.

And although I am so past lying in the middle of my floor while my main man Ed Sheeran feeds my emotional issues, I still find myself drawn to old habits in hope of finding answers that have and will never be there. For example, why is my answer not found at the bottom of a salt and vinegar pringles packet? Why is my answer not found on the other side of the world, far away from my people and problems? Why, the bloody hell is my answer not found in a jug, or two… of Sangria? These, my friend, are the real life questions I ponder daily.

Considering I have peaked in my years of adolescence, it is slowly dawning on me that I am no longer in the place to justify my mistakes with ‘I was too young to understand’. With little room for ‘innocent misunderstandings’ I have unfortunately entered the age, where, once a mistake has been made, I must actually face and work through the mistake until some sort of solution or reparation can be found. As easy as the words fall out onto my keyboard, the words from my mouth speak otherwise, and therefore currently I am only speaking from what should be, compared to what actually is. Heck, you win some, you lose some, and then you avoid some.

Where this post is going, Im not too sure. I think I started down the track of owning up to my mistakes, then avoiding the revealing of my mistakes, to then justify my lack of facing my mistakes! However, considering I have not yet got a degree, refuse to eat my breakfast, and have no idea how to calculate my taxes, I have positioned myself in the in-between, an adult who portrays child-like qualities, therefore allowing the in-between to justify and avoid. Sorry mum, maybe one day.