First things first, I just want to clarify how bloody happy I am that 2016 is over. For me, 2016 was a year of idiocy and maturity… both of which intertwined through a spiral of personal choices and incomprehensible circumstances. As a blossoming twenty-two year old, the world was my oyster, and my decisions were my future… however lacking in wisdom they may have seemed. Although I sit here, overwhelmed with the past that is behind me, I still find myself overwhelmed with a total peace in knowing that ‘all is well’ and ‘God is good'(will explain my Chrizzo transformation shorty) *side note – I still like wine and sing along to Rihanna.
However, through all the crap that was 2016, gems are not to go unmentioned. It is of upmost importance I note the friendships that grew, some from nothing, others built on years of tactical vommit’s and back scratches. My friends are the siblings I have forced myself upon and invited to share every detail of my life with… They are my “you’re an idiot” , “I told you so” and “I love you anyway” ‘s and I couldn’t be more blessed with those in my circle. And before I move on to what I really want to write about, I have to throw a shout out to my parents, who house me, feed me (barely) and offer financial support in return for injecting their diabetic cat. My mum has been nothing but supportive… even when I’m the one in the wrong. Without fail, she will stand by me, guns blazing, with 673 reasons as to why my actions were justified, right and beneficial to those around me.
So with my circle, my home and my heart, I can safely and happily say goodbye to 2016, throw a few middle fingers in the air (because no one is perfect) and walk away knowing I am loved and the year ahead of me will be three hundred and sixty five times better than the past 365 days.
Now…With that said and done…I can move on with what I really wanted to talk about…me. Because I am the centre of attention in this blog and that is the reason you read what I write…because I am fabulous. However, I have come to the conclusion that I although I share stories of exposing my ass to a little Thai man, falling apart in French customs and eating more than body weight in cookies…there are some areas of my life which go unmentioned. Although I’d like to think I avoid sharing my inner thoughts around big issues, religious beliefs and the growing status of LGBTTQQIAAP *which for those who don’t know is the updated version of LGBT… because I am ashamed, or scared to offend. When in all honesty, I just don’t think these topics are very funny, and I’m a joker, and this blog is a little bit of joke…and I’m not quite sure if I am ready to put on my big girl panties and delve into the big wide world of ‘adult discussion’ and ‘mature response’ when writing about all that is happening in our world.
Therefore… I have decided, instead of sharing my opinion on others, their circumstances, their beliefs and their actions… I will share where I am at, what I believe and where I stand on some societal and religious foundations. Because, I know my life is a journey, and I am continuously growing in my understanding and perception of the world…and although I may have some serious opinions and beliefs… getting there involved at least three bottles of wine, accidentally smuggling pot through Gatwick airport, and a monthly celebration of ‘womanhood’ with a bag of cheeseballs because babies are a blessing…but so is my figure (and 7544 other reasons as to why I’m not ready).
And so…600 words into this post, I am able to tie in my title…church kid..who, surprise…surprise… is ME! Although it may come as a shock to some of you, I, Emma am I Christian and have been raised in the church my whole life. I am an official church kid. I am so ‘churchy’ I told my friends, at six years old, after cross country that I actually came first..because Jesus said, “the first shall be last and the last shall be first”. At eight, I prayed a resurrection prayer over my dead cat *she still remains with Jesus. And, at the age of eleven, almost set the church building on fire, because my friend and I wanted scooters for christmas and thought it would be a good idea to sacrifice some mosquitos to God over a kitchen pot filled with flames…
Needless to say, some of my teachings were a little off and Bible College was a real eye opener into the world of context and interpretation of the bible. However, although I spent every Sunday in Kids Church, attending Youth Camps every year in high school, and learnt how to worship God, why we tithe to God and the ultimate love story, Jesus… I am somehow still imperfect…You’d think after all this teaching, after years of prayer sent my way from my grandparents (seriously don’t think I’d be alive without it), constant leading and guiding and eye rolling from my leaders and friends…surely I’d be at least a part-time nun…But no. I am a returning ‘backslider’ finding her feet and crying through every worship session because I’m emotionally unstable and really want a boyfriend…to buy my chocolate.
I find it interesting, for someone so transparent and open around all areas of my life…when speaking of my walk with God…I freeze. I, Emma, am without words. I struggle to put down into words what it means in my heart to be a ‘Church Kid’. On the outside it is clear to see, I have an incredible community who support me, leaders who guide me, those outside of church who ground me, and a life that is blessed beyond measure. However, what is unseen is God. The reason I still find myself sitting in a church service every Sunday. The reason I pick up my bible and TRY to figure out where I am going and what I am doing. The reason I sing and worship my heart out when I am down, lost and alone. The reason I try to live a life that is selfless and blesses those around me. The reason I am imperfect…because the only one that can complete me, is the perfect reason.
I think I’ll leave it here for now…because I have lots of spare time in the week ahead and really want to sit down and think around areas that I want to share. AND obviously make it funny and readable, because nobody likes a Debbie Downer.. So I am sorry that this post is low key bipolar, and has a few serious moments…but my writing and my life is in a but of a transition period…so bare with me… and heres to 2017, the year of boyfriends (just one will do), monthly alpaca farm visits and A’s in university!!!