Having neglected my new found love of writing these past couple of months, these past few days I have longed to sit in bed with a banana berry smoothie and feel my fingers play across the keys of my poor abandoned laptop. A laptop that has cruelly been left untouched for weeks at a time, only to be resurrected on lazy days where ‘Sex and the city’ and online window shopping gets the better of me. It was only about twenty minutes ago my fifth episode ended, leaving me to challenge my self-control to continue on with something a little more productive with my day…and here I am.
Unsure on where to begin, I think I will start where I left off, my previous post. Having just skimmed through it I notice a few scary regularities, wine, penis slippers and cursing. And although its only been just over a month since I wrote that post, I feel almost embarrassed reading it, as if I was reliving my awkward tweenager phase with slicked back hair partings and flares from Urban Angel, chasing me around with a tamagotchi. Is it possible to experience the ‘cringe factor’ within such a short time frame. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I still love wine, and my language is less than perfect, so other than *RIP penis slippers – gone and pretty much forgotten*, I just don’t understand… *girl emoji with arms above head – cut smile – cue confused and judging glare
Since arriving home I have experienced a lot of change, first of all I am living on the North Shore, so I may as well commute from Stuart Island and experiment some homemade recipes for petrol, secondly, 98% of my friends have boyfriends, of my top ten amigos, I am the spinster carrying the batten for all single twenty-one years olds who have seemed to become as rare as a size eight in a shoe sale, and lastly, I have found my inner introvert, spending time questioning what has always been given to me as sheer fact or understanding, searching for my own two feet in a world where finding uncharted territory to make your own is as easy as owning your own home. – as awkward as the ‘tweenager’ stage was, I would happily put on my skater shoes and Glassons polar fleece to experience the ‘hardships’ of intermediate once again
Lately, I have been left pondering faith, which is something I had vowed never to blog about, mainly because it wasn’t very cool and much of what I write about could contradict what many would call a ‘good christian’. But over the past month I have found the confidence to genuinely speak what is on my mind, whether that be my irrational hunger for a whole packet of chocolate licorice bullets, or my internal debate on contraception based on the catholic views varying to that of my own churches views and/or the views of my friends and family. Whether it has been my own avoidance of conflict or fear of judgement, I vow to no longer silence a major part of who I am and what I believe in order to keep those around me ‘at ease’ or myself ‘safely hidden’.
Its clear to see I make a lot of mistakes, often… and I love to have a good laugh, something which will not change just because every now and then Im going to be all serious and start spraying holy water all over the laptop in hopes of cleaning away your sins as you read this. I cannot deny that I am a nerdy christian, that attends church, and talks to God about cute boys who need to start attending church, and believes in macho angels with snipers constantly protecting us from little horned demons. To be honest, being a christian is a lot more exciting than you think, as long as you avoid praise bombs. ‘catch-ups’ and kids ministry (personal avoidance), life as a christian can be pretty sweet, so go check your mailbox for a daily scripture sent by yours truly *kissing emoji – cut kiss – cue pout – add peace sign next to lips