I promise myself every night before I go to sleep, “Emma, tomorrow is the day you start working on the transformation of your body”. Yet, most mornings, I sleep through my gym alarm, grab a huge bowl of porridge and roll through my day with very little self-control when passing the pantry. I have done my fair share of research when its comes to diet, including superfoods, the devil that is sugar, and even the ‘all powerful’ coconut oil and its 66 health benefits and uses – I made that number up, but I’m sure its somewhat accurate.
So with a whole lot of knowledge and a ‘once in a blue moon’, bit of action, why is so hard to see the results and persevere through this ‘transformation process’. I especially find this hard when travelling, always finding the excuses like “Will I ever have the opportunity to have three snickers ice cream bars again?” or “Im away from Mum, heck yeah, I can have two cookies instead of one!” The constant battle to be free from the shame of having to go up a jean size, versus the longing desire to look and feel great in a bikini, is a continual struggle. The best way to explain what is happening in my mind, is by picturing a broken record that is continually mixing up two tracks, one is playing a pumping techno ‘You can do it’ beat, while the other plays some ‘Treat yo self’ ghetto rap in the background.
Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge advocate for being happy in the skin your in, I really do think beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Being bigger really suits some people, I actually get really jealous! I’ve always wished I could pull off curves and look attractive with a fuller figure. But it just isn’t in the cards for me, because when I put on weight, it does not go to my bum, boobs and hips, it goes to my chin, tummy and legs – genetics you bastard! I swear my chin takes the hit as soon as that third cookie passes its way through the weak self control system that resides in my brain.
Therefore this is where my problem lies, some people find happiness in their fuller figure, while others find joy in 12 hours of cardio and protein shakes.But where my body is at the this point of time, is not where I feel confident and happy. Although that third slice of pizza tasted ‘oh so necessary’, my hips were definitely screaming otherwise when squeezing into my jeans this morning. Oh how i desperately wish I could be happy with a wider version of myself, but the reality is, I’m just not, instead I feel sluggish, slow and not myself. So, I feel the only option I have, is to grab that sports bra and get out and away from the fresh batch of cookies I just made an hour ago.
Therefore, when rolling through the hmm’s and ahh’s of the skinny and controlled, versus the double-chinned and satisfied, where can I find the key to making a change which will ultimately lead to my happiness. Because that is all we really want, isn’t it? To be happy with our bodies, whether that looks like grabbing an upsize with nothing but confidence or sweating it out at the gym, smiling through the burn knowing your butt with thank you for it . Everyone finds this happiness at different places on the scales, so I guess I just need to find that place where my body fits happily and healthily. So here it is, accountability at its weirdest, with my 7 followers and the random visitor from the Philippines, I, Emma, will be saying no to the rest of the cookies lurking in the pantry and will get my ass to the gym more often in search of finding happiness with my genetically cruel body.