Its been four years since I left high school, four years to discover who I am, four years to make the ‘big decisions’, heck, I’ve had four years to find my husband. But here I am, rolling through the ‘Golden Twenties’ with one year of a business degree, one year of bible college and six different countries, only to return to many a ‘short term’ jobs which have left me with resume fillers such as spilling coffee, changing diapers and making frozen yogurt. Oh and no husband, I don’t even have an flirty snapchat friend!!
If you asked me at my 2011 Graduation where I saw myself in four years, my answer would have been somewhere between dancing in the back row of some broadway show, to owning my own restaurant dedicated to bringing back the Stuffed Potato. To think I am as clueless now, as I was back then, is both scary and somewhat funny. I mean its not like I don’t have dreams, my desire to save the world is greater than ever. My heart is heavy in knowing where I need to be, which at the moment is in three different places at once – cheers heart. But where the heck do you start? I see now that although my dedicated parents, overpriced private school and supportive diabetic cat have all pushed and encouraged me to succeed, pursuing my dreams isn’t exactly a magical carpet ride. Here am, four years later and I don’t even know where the bloody station is to jump on my carpet, let alone ride the damn thing.
Obviously I have started many things, and some I do plan on finishing, for example, a degree. Don’t get me wrong, I am a firm believer in education and the importance of knowledge. Heck, I actually enjoy learning, just recently I purchased three psychology books because..well…Why not! But every time I find myself confined to the restrictions and commitment of settling down, the need to break free develops to the point of bursting, and next thing you know, I am stumbling through some Pub Crawl in Siem Reap, Cambodia, completely unaware of the ‘holy shit’ effects of rice wine.
So here I am, four years into my independence, watching my friends working towards or actually entering the workforce, having children and discussing mortgages over the dinner table. While I fly in and out of their lives, living off my minimum wage savings account, ‘accidentally’ misplacing emails from my mother, containing the web links to university applications.
But heres the real question, would I change it? If given the opportunity to go back to my 17 year old self and let her know I would turn into a bit of fruit loop, would I? …The real answer is no, I mean not unless I could also give a few heads-up on some bloody awful ‘cock ups’. But other than that, the lessons I have learned, the dreams I have conjured, the ideas that have been challenged, have all shaped and moulded me. I am not the person I was four years ago, and yes I may have no degree or stable job in my near future. But I do see needs, and my plan for the next period of my life is equipping myself in meeting those needs, whether that be taking my broke ass back home to receive that fancy scroll in a black robe, or jump on yet another plane to a far away land where they will teach me tai chi and how to be one with the mountains.
So yes I am probably going to get married at the ripe old age of twenty-eight and jump straight on the children wagon to avoid shrivelling eggs, and yes I may have to wait a decade or two to receive a monthly paycheque which will allow me to get extra guacamole as I please, but yes I am happy and I am driven, fervently seeking my carpet ride station while passing through valleys and oceans and quite possibly space along the way…